a little thing called insomnia

Today I went to mother's job to help with whatever needed to get done. This weekend is Bridge Fest which literally blows my mind. Last year I was in a terrible mood and I can't remember why. In fact, I was always kind of annoyed with something and very tired; I was going through a lot of weird emotions which controlled my actions.

So, there's something always on my mind. I'm always thinking about something. There's never a time when my thoughts are turned off. It's provided me with both good and bad feelings inside. I don't go by my emotions because my thoughts are always playing tricks on me. Especially when I'm in one of those moody-leave-me-alone kind of moods. I don't why, but I just thought that I'd might share that.

In other news, I finished "Something Borrowed" which I enjoyed very much. I was happier with the book than the movie. Which lacked the best details of the story and I think it would've been so much more interesting if Hillary was in the movie. Son... of a gun! I am definitely reading the sequel "Something Blue" which is Darcy's side of the story. Can't waiiiiit.

Well, I am not tired but am finding it hard to keep my eyes open... If you know what I mean!

j.adriana

hello, goodbye

Today is another morning at the church's office. Hopefully today won't be like Tuesday and I'll have a task today instead of getting stuck doing nothing! I'm not sure what I'm doing today, I've been kind of clueless lately. One thing I am not clueless about is having a lovely day yesterday.


I woke up pretty early ate breakfast and read the bible. Then baked two different types of cupcakes. Cookies 'n' Cream and Chocolate Mocha. I used new recipes and added my own touch to them. (natural sweeteners opposed to cane sugar) After the first batch, I worked out for half an hour and made the second. I went for a nice walk to the library and spent a little time reading. Well, sort of. It was one of those magazines I wouldn't normally read and have a love/hate relationship with. I stopped reading the magazine when I noticed the redundancy and walked back home.

I read more of "Something Borrowed" and ate mango flavored yogurt. That book is surprisingly addictive. Well I wasn't so surprised because my sister (who rarely reads) couldn't manage to put it down. It's actually a million times better than the movie (THANK GOD) and the character Rachel isn't as hopeless. (Maybe because you hear her thoughts and feelings more throughout the book?) I'm always annoyed by how they make movies these days. There's maybe one good okay.. decent movie that is thrown in the mix of newer movies. I doubt it'll get any better and I'm sure it will get worse. Hate to be pessimistic but, people are lowering their standards, and the younger generation has horrible taste. I know, I am no one to say that... but really?!?! Do I need to give examples? (cough, sequels, cough, pregnant teenagers, cough.)



After that I went to a friend's house for a BBQ; I got to see my friend who moved to Florida a few years ago! (I haven't seen her since we started high school... now we're both about to start our second year of college! time... flies.)It was really nice because we always managed to keep in touch and keep our inside jokes alive. Which is rare since a ratio of the friends who moved do not keep in touch and it makes me a little sad. It seems almost like it's too late to replenish a friendship when both people have changed so much. I was so happy to see she was still the same and remembered memories from the past. I'm hoping to visit her in the near future :)

When I came home, I read some more and then fell asleep. Now I'm here. Waiting for a task. Blah.

-j.adriana

little things

Hey, I’ve got some things to say. I don’t normally get personal, especially, online. The thought actually kind of terrifies me. I don’t know why but I feel like it’s eating me alive if I don’t share what’s been going on…

But to make this short and sweet, I’ve come along way, and I didn’t need a therapist either. In fact, seeing one only made me feel more anxious. I managed to gain most of my weight back (still working on gaining more) and I am actually controlling my attacks more successfully. I appreciate everyone’s prayers immensely and thank God that this doesn’t have to control my life. God has shown me that. Though, I still have a lot of unnecessary quirks, I see things a lot less dimly.

Again, that wasn't too personal and I left out major details. You know why? I'm still a working process, I don't think it's necessary to talk about myself so much either. That’s all I’m writing for now. This girl needs some sleep!

j.adriana

Less confused, more content.

The word future seems like it's an eternity away, but in reality it's not. As a matter of fact it's actually closer than I want to believe. Despite the length of my days, I am noticing that weekends are approaching faster than they used to. I guess it's because I'm off of school and it's practically summer. Which is a relief! Except that constant reminder that I am still unemployed and without a car...On the bright side, those are my only worries of the moment.

Before the concern of the moment was based on going back to school and without any certainty. I was certain if nutrition was really what I wanted to do. Don't get me wrong, I am very passionate about it but is it something I want to do as a career? I hate having second thoughts and so, I decided I would first focus on getting my liberal arts degree. At least I'll be still learning and getting credits and not have to worry about taking the wrong classes! Any less stress is preferred immensely...

Enough about that, I really need to focus on what I can do now. Job, car, oh yeah... and friends. Working on that, one step at a time, I promise.

j.adriana

Good morning,

I woke up a an hour and half ago and just sitting down Indian style whilst drinking a cup of black coffee. My bedroom is almost complete... today I'm going to pick out a headboard for my bed at an antique store. There's not really a theme to my room though if I had to choose a theme, I think it would be considered rustic. I had the walls painted a dark tan and the ceiling a nice creamy color. It's certainly more relaxing than the hot pink ceilings and turquoise walls. I love it and I am really happy to sleep in my room again.

This week went by fast because Monday was Memorial day. I didn't really do anything interesting on the holiday. I stayed home and watched Project Runway, mom made some bacalado and I made tostones. Pretty relaxed! On Tuesday Aria and I missed yoga class again and instead went to zumba with a new instructor. She really had us working hard which was what I needed after a long day. After the gym we went to see Bridesmaids which was really funny and cute, I loved it. On Wednesday I tagged along with Aria while she ran some errands throughout the day and that's about it. Thursday I felt sick so I just hung out at home.... Friday was kind of the same only I baked most of the afternoon and later went on a walk.

Tomorrow should be nice. My grandparents are taking us to dinner for my dad's 50th birthday. He's going to be half a century! On Tuesday my sister and I are taking him to dinner and a movie. Well, I'm going to go now. Adios!

-j.adriana

It's the second day of June and the weather is incredible. Nothing like yesterday! The humidity was high, it was also very hot which made me feel very sticky; but enough about the weather.. (it seems like the easiest thing for me to talk about... I actually use it as a device when I'm nervous during small talk!)

Last June I graduated high school which was pretty interesting and freeing. Then college came which was very much like high school only with a little more homework. Since the whole chronic illness fiasco, I miss school terribly. Mostly English class because it involved a lot of writing and reading which always kept me busy. Not going to school and working has had it's highs and mostly it's lows. I can't really say I enjoy having too much time on my hands and I hate doing nothing. These past three months I spent my time: baking, writing, drawing, serving at the church, and reading. Things I do enjoy, but now that I'm feeling less tired and sick, I feel it's time to start working again. Because there's nothing worse than being broke during the summer!

Anyway, things that have been on my mind are mostly summer related! BBQ's, camping, picnics, outdoor concerts... and so on! Well that's I'll have to say for now but I'll write more later. Peace!

j.adriana

Hey! It seems I’ve lapsed into another “too uninspired to blog” episode. So, I apologize yet again, for my terribly lazy habit. It amazes me how other bloggers can blog every day! Their dedication is inspiring and I should be more like that.

Rewinding to last week, I went to my first hot yoga class. They were having “free yoga week” at a yoga studio in Princeton. At first I was a little hesitant due to high temperatures and sweating heavily. But I pushed myself and went with my dear friend Margaret. IT WAS WONDERFUL. The next day my body felt refreshed and restored; I would definitely do it again and again .It was major detox and I recommend to anyone who needs just that. My weekend consisted of baking, hanging out, trying out Mary Kay products,(then later breaking out), going to my mom’s friend’s house for dinner, and grocery shopping somewhere in between. Despite the disgusting moist weather I had a lovely weekend spent with friends. Next weekend is the Womens retreat and I am incredibly excited. My mom, sister, and Margaret are all rooming together which should be fun. I am hoping to get a lot of it, maybe make friends, and buy really inexpensive consignment.

Something tells me that this week is going to go by very fast and I am okay with that. (The weather is going to be evil and rainy!) I’ll try to write in this blog more, I promise!

-j.adriana

oh dear.

I apologize for my inactiveness my dears! I’ve been SO busy and heavily immersed with my hectic life. Yes, telling you a fib. The truth is…

I am slowly becoming that very blah person in the room…You know the girl who looks like she doesn’t care about anything while she sits alone, and complains about how lonely she is. (Yes, I am aware of how pathetic that sounds!) But I really did start this month on the wrong foot and haven’t been having the best attitude. What’s my excuse? Pure laziness! I’ve fallen into a lazy spell and it’s affected all aspects of my life; writing, reading, cooking, and spending time with people. I hate falling into these ruts of not caring! Because it’s possible to change this situation before I allow it to worsen, I am pushing myself out of this black and white hole and stepping into this admirable month of May with a positive attitude! Now putting all funky attitudes aside and stepping into my happy shoes, I am really looking forward to this month and the summer to come!

less is more

Hello, hello, hello!

The weekend arrives as quickly as it ends. I remember being little and anticipating the days for Friday to arrive! I used to throw the best sleepovers, and we would get in all sorts of trouble which was always thrilling! Come to think of it when I was a younger I got grounded all the time! But, not for getting caught smoking cigarettes or missing curfew, it was always things like not cleaning my room or using my computer past 9pm. My dad was very overprotective with my computer usage...amongst other things. Oh dear, there I go rambling again! Where was I? Oh, yeah my weekend...

Friday wasn’t that eventful so, I’ll save you and I the time and describe it in three words: work, margherita-pizza, and sleep!

Saturday was rainy and yucky but, I managed to whip up some thumbprint cookies, sketch a little, and attempted to sew a “yo-yo” for my mom’s quilt. I started getting really bad joint pains and a migraine in the afternoon which made me feel pretty crummy and downright nasty! I hid from the world, wrapped myself up in a fuzzy blanket, and watched Everybody Hates Chris. My mom made lentil soup with fresh Sofrito which actually made me feel a lot better. Magical soup? Yes!

Sunday was oh so beautiful. Relaxing, uplifting, comforting, and very delicious! The weather was finally cooperating, I saw so many beautiful trees covered with purple and pink flowers. So, GORGEOUS! (sorry springtime makes me so happy) After a great message at church, I went to the diner for lunch with my family; we talked, laughed, ate, and got ice cream cones afterward. It was really nice out so I hung out with Aria, Margaret, and David in the backyard where we hung out and just enjoyed the fresh air. Then I came home and just loafed with Miss Gusty and my dad poked me continuously with a stick... What's your idea of the perfect Sunday?

Well my friends, there you have it my weekend in a nutshell!

j.adriana

and so

Over these past few months (maybe even years) I thought I’d never see inspiration again. Everything seemed out of reach, I was annoyed with everything, and things were so cloudy. But things are different now and I am amazed with how quickly God is changing my outlook on life. He has been providing me with me patience, love, and strength to move past my own feelings and I thank him every day for that.

Hello my dears!
Every single day I’ve been waking up with thoughts circulating through the inside of my brain. These thoughts aren’t anything like the ones in the past either! They are special and have meaning to them. It’s kind of like I’ve been zapped by a lighting of inspiration and if I don’t write any of this down, I’ll lose it. SO, brace yourselves babies this is might be a long post!

I’ve been really inspired to get working on my projects. Yes, there’s always been talk of these projects. But I never actually made the effort to making them come to life! After all... I was uninspired and mentally distressed. Things are a lot better now and with that being the case, it's time to take responsibility and get active!

"Operation Workout Wear"

Aria and I are always saying how we want to create a line of active wear. Our goal is to design active wear that’s caters to every body type, is affordable, stylish, and most importantly flattering. The first step for us would be to sketch original designs and figure out what women would be willing to buy. We need to start by doing some serious planning!

"Operation Hospitality"

I’m really passionate about pursuing a career in hospitality. If you haven’t already noticed: I love to cook and bake for people! I want to share my passion with others by feeding them nutritious and healthy cuisines to promote wellness and balance. I think I can make that happen by playing host and throwing together dinner parties. They’d be themed parties and encourage people to grow closer with each other and maybe develop new friendships. I find myself at my happiest when everyone is well-fed, comfortable, and smiling.

The planning begins... NOW!

Oh, and here's a list of short-term goals for my own satisfaction (because, even the littlest things count!):
keep myself balanced, drive a car by myself, paint my room, make friends, and learn more speak/learn more Spanish.

-j.adriana

wake up it's spring

It’s April and there’s nothing more inspiring to me than the transition of winter becoming spring. It starts off slow but ends magically once May arrives and the flowers become the size of my head! It’s the easiest place to find love, appreciate the outdoors, and wear minimal clothing. I am attached to this sensation of warm weather and becoming one with the birds; free, secure, and peaceful. It’s possible that this peace will be gone tomorrow and that’s why I must record it.

I hope all of your weekends were filled with excitement. Mine was a "relaxing but still pretty eventful" kind of weekend. It started off a little slow. I spent the morning cleaning the house which is somehow very relaxing and baked a chocolate cake with fresh strawberry frosting. The frosting was a little too buttery for my liking and I wasn't happy with it's presentation, but my family and friends seemed to enjoy it, and that's all that matters. After a few hours of great relaxation, Aria and I went to Zumba! Man, I forgot how much fun those classes can be! The class was super energetic and after class I felt fantastic. We then ended the night watching Diary of a Wimpy Kid! Dude… that movie was perfect and adorable: “The cheese touch.” HAHA, I loved it.

What happened on Saturday? Um... I went to the dentist and mall with Aria, we basically just ran some errands and then we got coffee ice cream. When I came home, I took a long nap and woke up feeling extremely cranky. For some reason long naps always make me more tired. So, I ended up falling asleep while watching a movie. Alas, my Saturday night had been a pattern of waking up to pee, eat, and then fall asleep again. Somehow I woke up again and it was already Sunday morning… The day consisted of going to Church, eating grilled cheese sandwiches, and ended with lovely date in Princeton with Margaret, Aria, and David. I’d say my weekend was worthy of sharing, was yours?

-j.adriana

an ode to coffee

Hola!


Warning: I am about to unleash some mixed up words that may not make sense to many of you!

Okay, okay, okay. Where do I even begin? I am a tad bit energetic right now, due to the coffee I have just consumed. I don't understand how people don't like coffee. I mean, it's delicious and it comes in so many different varieties and flavors! I guess it's a cultural thing...Because, I started drinking coffee at the ripe age of nine and I don't remember disliking it. In case you were curious, I prefer my coffee strong and bold. Anyway, all this coffee speak is making me crave coffee ice cream which is not obtainable at the moment! :/

Today I got to sleep in. Well... kind of. I woke up at around eight 'o'clock, did my reading, and ate my morning oats. Then at around 9am I fell asleep and regained consciousness about two hours later. Actually, I had very little consciousness of reality today and felt extremely weak. Very much so the opposite of how I am feeling right now... I don't know, focusing on my emotions has only brought me to anxiety and who needs that? I suppose, I'll cut this post short because I have no idea what else I can tell you about other than rambles about coffee or something else completely irrelevant. Adios for now little sweethearts.

j.adriana

sunday morning...

“I’ve always admitted that I’m ruled by my passions.”-Elizabeth Taylor

Good morning!

As I mentioned before, it is nearly impossible for me to sleep in... especially on the weekends. I blame the whole hospital experience for my strange sleeping arrangements. For example, I sometimes find myself taking two twenty-minute naps a day: one after breakfast and another one mid-afternoon...

Yesterday I went to a class on how to read the bible... inductively. Not just read it and go on about your day, but actually understand what the context is really saying. It was really interesting because I got to see how simple the scriptures really are and how we mustn't over complicate them.

Speaking of which, I have the tendency to over complicate a lot of things. I would strive to please people by forcing myself sound upbeat, smarter, and fun... Which actually made me hide the person I really am. I am finally accepting the fact that I don't always have to be the interesting one. I won't over complicate myself just to please others and will no longer be a victim of my own twisted thoughts. And if I feel the need to voice my opinion, I will do so.

enough of this self empowerment speak.

here are some photos from this week:

vegan oatmeal cream pie cookies.

wedged sandals from target
j.adriana

a day in the life (shortened)

Happy Friday! Can this weather be anymore bipolar??? Today's forecast: the sun is glistening through the trees, the air is crisp, and the weekend is here. Jersey’s expecting plenty of sunshine which should bring this weekend a very positive vibe and I am not complaining! I didn’t get much sleep last night. I had one of those nights where I would glance at my clock and see one hour being shed from the clock. Not to mention I had to go to the bathroom each time I woke up. Despite waking up feeling nasal and a little congested, I didn't feel cranky. In fact, my stomach was growling like a fiend, so, I promptly leaped out of my bed and headed for the kitchen!

Hey look, it’s not a bowl of oatmeal! Surprisingly the thought of oatmeal didn't excite me at all this morning. My tummy smiled as I reached for Eggo waffles with a generous amount of creamy peanut butter drizzled with maple syrup. Devoured and washed down with a fresh cup of cafe con soya, of course.
Cheeese! Lately my hair has been cooperating! I must admit I was kind of getting bored of my usually wavy hair. So, I caved in and straightened it. It's gotten so long and I'm actually pleased with the results. So, I'll probably will hold off on that cropped haircut!

I went to my mom's job to help out again. I basically do any of the mindless tasks that no one has time for like filing and rewriting files. Hopefully by next week they'll train me to do something with a little more responsibility. Well, I'm going to go take a very long nap! Ta-ta for now.

j.adriana

lazy posts...

Good morning my friends!

Waking up these past two mornings have been a little strange. I am not quite sure why either, I suppose it's all this blue weather. My bod iz achin' a bit but that's okay, tomorrow is Friday and that's always a plus!

Yesterday, I went to my mom's job where there was help needed. I helped organize and edit titles of church services for a few hours. It was an easy job that needed to be taken care of and I was grateful to be of help. I felt bad because there was so many little things that need to be taken care of and there really isn't much time for them to manage. So, I am definitely going to serve more by doing these simple tasks.

After helping, I stayed with my mom for a little while and got to see her job. As a receptionist her job affords her a lot down time and she uses that time to read and study. My sister came to pick me up and I relaxed the rest of the day. Tired, I, was. Reading this probably makes you a little tired as well. The truth is... my life is not that interesting right now. I am not complaining, it's just how things are at the moment, and moments are always changing! Awesome things are happening around me though. For example, my sister finally got the promotion she's been anticipating. How exciting!

Oh! I started a reading a new bible study on Philippians. The theme is joy and a topic that's been on my heart lately. It should be a treat because my mom, sister, and I are going to get together on Saturday's to discuss what we read. I like to think of it as great opportunity for us to grow closer in both ourselves and in Christ. Well, I am off, to tackle on the weight of the world. (?!)

j.adriana

so...

I woke up today and weighed myself. And when, the scale read seventy-seven pounds, a look of confusion appeared on my face. ‘Ummm… what? I’ve been eating larger portions and drinking my calcium beverages. So, what’s seems to be the problem?’ The morbid thought of having to be hospitalized and fed through an IV pick-line made its way into my head. After a moment of great fear and discouragement a thought came to mind. Maybe it’s my attitude… In all honestly, my perception of gaining weight and recovering has been transformed into an unlikely chore. I’ve been struggling with negative thoughts which is making my patience run out. Never in my life have I felt so out of balance and confused about my own body and mind. Feeling detached from myself and neglecting what I truly enjoy has become a crisis in itself.

Fortunately I'm blessed with a very supportive family who helps me everyday and of course there is that lovely word called hope. With hope and a positive attitude, I want my recovery to be a pleasant experience that allows me to grow more confidence and learn more about myself. I want to be able to enjoy the little things again... Such as: going out to eat without feeling pressured or monitored, feeling comfortable in my own skin, and wearing clothes that actually fit.

My healing process should be thought of as an opportunity to figure out what’s wrong. That’s why; I am going to be more proactive in my recovery and I will blog about my experiences more in depth. Maybe sharing my journey with you will help motivate me and anyone else who is going through a similar rut. Enjoy!