Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Warning: I am about to unleash some mixed up words that may not make sense to many of you!
Okay, okay, okay. Where do I even begin? I am a tad bit energetic right now, due to the coffee I have just consumed. I don't understand how people don't like coffee. I mean, it's delicious and it comes in so many different varieties and flavors! I guess it's a cultural thing...Because, I started drinking coffee at the ripe age of nine and I don't remember disliking it. In case you were curious, I prefer my coffee strong and bold. Anyway, all this coffee speak is making me crave coffee ice cream which is not obtainable at the moment! :/
Today I got to sleep in. Well... kind of. I woke up at around eight 'o'clock, did my reading, and ate my morning oats. Then at around 9am I fell asleep and regained consciousness about two hours later. Actually, I had very little consciousness of reality today and felt extremely weak. Very much so the opposite of how I am feeling right now... I don't know, focusing on my emotions has only brought me to anxiety and who needs that? I suppose, I'll cut this post short because I have no idea what else I can tell you about other than rambles about coffee or something else completely irrelevant. Adios for now little sweethearts.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
As I mentioned before, it is nearly impossible for me to sleep in... especially on the weekends. I blame the whole hospital experience for my strange sleeping arrangements. For example, I sometimes find myself taking two twenty-minute naps a day: one after breakfast and another one mid-afternoon...
Yesterday I went to a class on how to read the bible... inductively. Not just read it and go on about your day, but actually understand what the context is really saying. It was really interesting because I got to see how simple the scriptures really are and how we mustn't over complicate them.
Speaking of which, I have the tendency to over complicate a lot of things. I would strive to please people by forcing myself sound upbeat, smarter, and fun... Which actually made me hide the person I really am. I am finally accepting the fact that I don't always have to be the interesting one. I won't over complicate myself just to please others and will no longer be a victim of my own twisted thoughts. And if I feel the need to voice my opinion, I will do so.
enough of this self empowerment speak.
here are some photos from this week:
Friday, March 25, 2011
Happy Friday! Can this weather be anymore bipolar??? Today's forecast: the sun is glistening through the trees, the air is crisp, and the weekend is here. Jersey’s expecting plenty of sunshine which should bring this weekend a very positive vibe and I am not complaining! I didn’t get much sleep last night. I had one of those nights where I would glance at my clock and see one hour being shed from the clock. Not to mention I had to go to the bathroom each time I woke up. Despite waking up feeling nasal and a little congested, I didn't feel cranky. In fact, my stomach was growling like a fiend, so, I promptly leaped out of my bed and headed for the kitchen!
Hey look, it’s not a bowl of oatmeal! Surprisingly the thought of oatmeal didn't excite me at all this morning. My tummy smiled as I reached for Eggo waffles with a generous amount of creamy peanut butter drizzled with maple syrup. Devoured and washed down with a fresh cup of cafe con soya, of course.
Cheeese! Lately my hair has been cooperating! I must admit I was kind of getting bored of my usually wavy hair. So, I caved in and straightened it. It's gotten so long and I'm actually pleased with the results. So, I'll probably will hold off on that cropped haircut!
I went to my mom's job to help out again. I basically do any of the mindless tasks that no one has time for like filing and rewriting files. Hopefully by next week they'll train me to do something with a little more responsibility. Well, I'm going to go take a very long nap! Ta-ta for now.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Good morning my friends!
Waking up these past two mornings have been a little strange. I am not quite sure why either, I suppose it's all this blue weather. My bod iz achin' a bit but that's okay, tomorrow is Friday and that's always a plus!
Yesterday, I went to my mom's job where there was help needed. I helped organize and edit titles of church services for a few hours. It was an easy job that needed to be taken care of and I was grateful to be of help. I felt bad because there was so many little things that need to be taken care of and there really isn't much time for them to manage. So, I am definitely going to serve more by doing these simple tasks.
After helping, I stayed with my mom for a little while and got to see her job. As a receptionist her job affords her a lot down time and she uses that time to read and study. My sister came to pick me up and I relaxed the rest of the day. Tired, I, was. Reading this probably makes you a little tired as well. The truth is... my life is not that interesting right now. I am not complaining, it's just how things are at the moment, and moments are always changing! Awesome things are happening around me though. For example, my sister finally got the promotion she's been anticipating. How exciting!
Oh! I started a reading a new bible study on Philippians. The theme is joy and a topic that's been on my heart lately. It should be a treat because my mom, sister, and I are going to get together on Saturday's to discuss what we read. I like to think of it as great opportunity for us to grow closer in both ourselves and in Christ. Well, I am off, to tackle on the weight of the world. (?!)
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
I woke up today and weighed myself. And when, the scale read seventy-seven pounds, a look of confusion appeared on my face. ‘Ummm… what? I’ve been eating larger portions and drinking my calcium beverages. So, what’s seems to be the problem?’ The morbid thought of having to be hospitalized and fed through an IV pick-line made its way into my head. After a moment of great fear and discouragement a thought came to mind. Maybe it’s my attitude… In all honestly, my perception of gaining weight and recovering has been transformed into an unlikely chore. I’ve been struggling with negative thoughts which is making my patience run out. Never in my life have I felt so out of balance and confused about my own body and mind. Feeling detached from myself and neglecting what I truly enjoy has become a crisis in itself.
Fortunately I'm blessed with a very supportive family who helps me everyday and of course there is that lovely word called hope. With hope and a positive attitude, I want my recovery to be a pleasant experience that allows me to grow more confidence and learn more about myself. I want to be able to enjoy the little things again... Such as: going out to eat without feeling pressured or monitored, feeling comfortable in my own skin, and wearing clothes that actually fit.
My healing process should be thought of as an opportunity to figure out what’s wrong. That’s why; I am going to be more proactive in my recovery and I will blog about my experiences more in depth. Maybe sharing my journey with you will help motivate me and anyone else who is going through a similar rut. Enjoy!
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Good morning sunshines!
I don't think it's possible for me to sleep in because this whole week I promised myself i wouldn't wake up earlier than ten. Did it happen? No, of course not. But ever since last year it's been a habit that I actually embrace. I've definitely gotten more productive since I started waking up earlier, I was more prepared in school, and actually have been more organized. I also like the advantage of being the only one awake, the house is always peaceful, and clean.
Every now and then when the weather is a little gloomy I enjoy waking up without leaving my bed. Today is one of those mornings and my mind's been pondering ideas of the future. I have been really thinking about my studies and the future. My biggest fear is getting too immersed in a subject that i'm not truly passionate about. I don't want to be the girl who "wished" she could have done that. I consider myself to be a intensive daydreamer and I look forward to spreading out my ideas into the real world. There have been ideas leaking from my brain; they're there waiting to become active. You'll be the first to know when these ideas launch! Promise :)
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone!
My, oh, my. I must have slept in the wrong position last night because, I woke up feeling like a little old lady. Both stiff and sore! Luckily the pain went away within an hour of being awake. The weather today is beyond beautiful. It felt like the mid 60s which was really a pleasant surprise considering that march is a very bipolar month. I honestly cherish days like this because they always keep me smiling. I took advantage of the weather and went for a walk with my father. we walked and talked which is always nice, then ate lunch at the local diner. after lunch we walked on the highway (a little scary) and got some ice cream. I indulged on some Brazilian coffee soft serve on a cone, which was incredible, and we talked more. I really enjoy spending time with my dad and I try to savor the moments when we're not arguing. O don't know why but we have kind of a weird relationship. he's always been very protective and it definitely brought up a lot of tension in the past. We're both very sensitive people and sometimes we rub each other off the wrong way. But I can never say I've never felt loved by him and I love him very much. Okay, I'm going to stop now before I bore you all with an overload of sappiness... But I can't help it!! Lately, I've just been feeling very emotional and have been thinking more and more about people whom I care about. I just love to love and want to find more people to spoil my love with! I don't know if that makes any sense, I am just drooling for some more passion. Spring is here... So, I'm assuming love is in the air? Perhaps!! ;)
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
I have no excuse for this awful habit. It's something I have been neglecting to improve and it's such an awful trait because I am such an anxious person. So, I actually create my own stress which is so unhealthy! I am not proud of being "all-talk" and I don't want to be remembered as an unreliable person. So, good-bye unhealthy habits!
With that being surgically removed from my chest I am going to bore you with some things that have been going on in my life.
Last week I wasn't doing so well. In fact, I was in the hospital. I had been getting severe pains in my stomach and could barely move... I went to the doctors and they sent me to the emergency room. It was the first time I've ever been hospitalized. It was super weird. There was a lot of waiting, questioning, and blood drawn. I could only eat liquids. I needed help using the bathroom. I gained weight. I lost weight. A few days later they diagnosed me with Ulcerative Colitis, (which is an irritable bowel disease. In my case my large intestine was severely inflamed and I couldn't digest food.) All in a span of two weeks. Despite being trapped in a hospital... I actually of enjoyed my stay and made the best of it. My room was filled with flowers and balloons, my nurses became my friends, and my mom was the biggest encouragement. God really blessed me with such a great family and I thank him everyday for that. Now that I am home, I have decided to take a break from college. My goal is to focus on getting better in the most stressful way as possible. I've been pain-free for about a week now and my body gets stronger everyday. I want to give a shout out to all the people who have been praying for me. I love you all and God is good! :)